Tristan is a difficult baby. It's taken me a while to admit it, but it's the truth.
He is a cranky and crabby baby.
- He hates to be left "alone" for more than 2 minutes. Alone, meaning the time it takes me to go to the washroom or check my email.
- He is a horrible sleeper. For 6 months he woke up every 2-3 hours every night. He has gotten better, I am now up 1-2 times a night. But some nights are worse than others and we are back at square 1.
- He fusses all the time. He hates the car seat, he hates his coat, he hates getting dressed. Everything annoys him.
- He is an ok eater. But he is refusing to take a bottle. Yesterday I had a meeting to go to so I left him at the daycare for the afternoon. He refused a bottle, he only ate some pears. When Brad picked him up he tried the bottle again unsuccessfully. When I got home at 5:30 he was screaming his head off. Tristan, not Brad. Although Brad was not far behind.
- Most of the day he wants to be in my arms or at least have me talking to him or making eye contact as much as possible.
It is frustrating because Oliver was the easiest baby and I can't help but compare them. Everything with this kid is a challenge. Brad and I are also very divided on how to handle it. Brad feels like we should let him cry, we shouldn't encourage him to be fussy. But I feel like he is too young to put 2 and 2 together that way, that if we let him cry for so long he will just feel abandoned.
Does anyone out there have a fussy baby like this? Does it get easier? Do they outgrow it? Please tell me they outgrow it.
PS He is completely healthy, albeit small. But it's not colic or reflux or.... anything other than crabbiness.
2 comments:
My first baby was just like this! He wouldn't let me put him down, he woke up at least every 2 hours for A YEAR, and he RARELY seemed happy--we have a lot of pictures of him smiling because it was such a rare occurance that we took a picture whenever it happened! Everybody wanted me to do the cry it out thing with him, but I wasn't comfortable with that until he was a year old because he was just a baby! I don't know where that magical place is where they change from tiny baby to old enough, so I just thought about it periodically, and when I was finally able to think about letting him cry it out without it giving me a bad feeling, that's when we did it.
It isn't encouraging a baby to be fussy by responding to his cries; that is the only way babies can communicate, so responding to their cries helps them to feel secure. Oh, I should clarify our "cry it out". This works best if you have an amazing, willing-to-help-husband (one who doesn't make offensive comments like, "I can't get up with the baby; I have to WORK tomorrow!"): we narrow down the nightly wakings one at a time. We will pick one (say, the first time he normally wakes up), and when the baby wakes up that time, my husband will go in, pick the baby up, pat him, check his diaper, give him a love, and put him back down. If he's still crying in 10-15 minutes, he'll go in and do it again...and again...and again. This way, someone is still responding to the baby, but we are teaching him as gently as we can that he doesn't need to wake up all night just because it's nice to have a little snack every few hours. The first couple times we do this, our babies are pretty mad, but they catch on pretty quickly, and when they stop waking up at that particular time, we pick another time that they wake up, and work on that one.
We finally figured out that our first had sensory issues; he is really sensitive to textures, loud noises, bright lights, and flavors. He didn't like clothes that were scratchy or had a poky tag, he didn't like to be changed because it was a temperature change (the warm clothes he had been wearing to cold clothes, or with diaper changes, going from being warm to being cold when we took off his pants and diaper), we seriously had to put a box fan in his room and one outside his door and turn them on during his naps and at night to help him to sleep because any sudden noise would wake him up (before this he would sleep for MAYBE 30 minutes at a time for his naps, and then he would wake up SO grumpy...because he needed more sleep!), I put something dark over his window to help him sleep longer in the mornings and during his naps...do you usually breastfeed but give him formula in a bottle? He may not like the taste of the formula...or he may just be stubborn as a mule and not want a bottle =). I think we own every kind of bottle/binky out there trying to find one he would like.
Hang in there! It does get easier; eventually you will get to sleep again, and that helps immensely! They get older and more interested in the other people/things around them. My oldest still wants more attention that some of his siblings, but he is a little easier to re-direct to something besides me. Sorry this is a book, but I hope it helps!Good luck!!!
I have two daughters, the oldest is now eight and the youngest just turned six. I'll start by saying the youngest one was a piece of cake as a baby - slept all the time, always in her crib - easy easy. If she had been first I'm not sure how I would have been able to handle my other daughter. Because she was first I just thought that's how babies were, or at least mine. I remember reading an article by Dr. Sears (or one of those 'baby experts') in a baby magazine and he said something like he had had 3 boys and they were great babies and then his daughter was just the opposite - and it changed his view on parenting a baby...that some babies are what he called "high needs" infants. Nothing wrong with them, just have higher needs. It made me feel better - even though I read it way after I had pulled all my hair out and hadn't bathed in 3 months...
My first daughter wasn't one who would ever cry it out - the two times I tried she never stopped crying. I remember telling my mom "after an hour I finally got her" and my mom said "never let them cry FOR AN HOUR" and I felt horrible (and still do actually), but I didn't know. I thought it was some kind of tough love thing. She had to have just the right nipple on her bottle or she wouldn't eat. She wouldn't let anyone hold her but me (and one angel old lady at the daycare THANK YOU GOD) or she would just scream like she was dying. I couldn't go to any functions that had child care without someone from the nursery coming to get me "she won't stop crying...and she seems almost hysterical" so eventually I just gave up. I let her sleep with me because it was the only way I could get any sleep. I was never a fan of co-sleeping - but it was that or never sleep. She drained me completely that first year or so.
Compared with her sister she is still more high maintenance even now, but she grew out of the crazy neediness cranky baby somewhere after she had her first birthday...
I have to tell you I've blocked most of it out - it was incredibly hard and I didn't have a husband or any family support around during that year. Daycare saved my life.
kim
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