Things here have gotten better. That seems to be the pattern. Things are ok for a while, there's a glitch, I freak out, I calm down and things get better. Hmmmm..... maybe there's a lesson to be learned.
In actuality, I am making an effort not to let the sleep(less) situation get to me. It's hard. Very very hard. But I know it will get better.
I think the biggest problem is that there is no real sleep schedule during the day. When Oliver is at daycare, Tristan tends to have 2 relatively good naps (morning and afternoon). We go for a walk or run errands midday.
But when Oliver is at home, Tristan usually ends up falling asleep for a short time in his car seat on the way to somewhere, or waking up because Oliver is 2 and noisy.
When Oliver was a baby, I stuck to a routine. We were home at "nap time" and that was that. I want to do the same thing with Tristan but that would essentially mean staying home all day, since Oliver has a midday nap (12-2 or so)...... Not too sure what the solution may be.
In other news, Brad officially asked for his 12 weeks parental leave yesterday. I know he was nervous about it but he did it. There has been no response yet but I expect there will be something today. I have noticed a change in his attitude, he seems more relaxed and more positive. I know he is looking forward to spending time with the boys and quite frankly, he deserves it. I am surprisingly happy for him. I thought I may be more upset, having to go back to work early, but I'm not. Brad is a really great dad and I feel lucky to have a man who WANTS to spend time with his kids.
Plus, I told him that while he is at home he will assume my responsibilities: cleaning, cooking, groceries, laundry..... and he agreed. I think it will be a wake up call for him. He is considerate, he has never ever made a negative comment about me being at home (quite the opposite, it's always an admission about how much easier it is to go to work). But he is also a man, and clueless about this type of thing. So we'll see what happens. Should be interesting.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
On the edge
It's 8:56 pm.
Tristan is in bed.
Screaming.
He was up at 5:30 am.
He has not slept more than an hour all day.
An hour taken in 5 minute increments.
I am at a complete loss about what to do.
He calms down when I go to him and hold him.
He "falls asleep" in my arms.
As soon as I lay him in bed he starts wailing.
I feel like it's my decision what to do. Brad is ready to let him cry but for some reason I feel like I can't.
Am I being a suck?
Or is this some sort of mother's intuition?
I don't know.
All I know is that my kid is screaming and I am exhausted.
Please let it get easier.
Seriously.
It has to.
Right?
Tristan is in bed.
Screaming.
He was up at 5:30 am.
He has not slept more than an hour all day.
An hour taken in 5 minute increments.
I am at a complete loss about what to do.
He calms down when I go to him and hold him.
He "falls asleep" in my arms.
As soon as I lay him in bed he starts wailing.
I feel like it's my decision what to do. Brad is ready to let him cry but for some reason I feel like I can't.
Am I being a suck?
Or is this some sort of mother's intuition?
I don't know.
All I know is that my kid is screaming and I am exhausted.
Please let it get easier.
Seriously.
It has to.
Right?
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Mom Guilt
Tristan is feverish and snotty. Teeth? Cold? At this age I always have a hard time knowing which one is at fault.
Today I am needed at work for a presentation. The one day my baby needs me at home and I can't be there. Brad has had to call in sick, at least for a half day to stay here. I feel terrible.
Today I am needed at work for a presentation. The one day my baby needs me at home and I can't be there. Brad has had to call in sick, at least for a half day to stay here. I feel terrible.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Things I have learned about children since becoming a parent
1) All kids are different. Even when they are related.
2) Kids will repeat the things you least want them to. But they will do it with perfect timing. And it will be really hard not to laugh. But you must not.
3) Things are rarely as serious as they seem. In the beginning everything seems like a BIG DEAL but eventually you learn that some things just aren't.
4) Kids will throw tantrums when you are out. And you must resist the urge to wring their necks. You must ignore them and go about your business while enduring stares from others.
5) Other parents are most tolerant of screaming children and are most likely to reassure you that "we've all been there". Non parents are least tolerant and tend to adopt a frightened or disgusted look while observing the freak show that is your mid-tantrum child.
6) Children of all ages immediately seem to sense that Toys R Us is a magical land just for them. It must be avoided at all costs. If this is impossible, you must be prepared to leave with extra items.
7) Childrens toys consist of small pieces of plastic that are immediately lost. Oliver does not have an entire set of blocks or Legos or tools. Where do they go? It's a small house, I just don't understand.
8) The whining of a child is more grating than nails on a chalkboard. Especially in a confined space such as a car where it cannot be escaped.
9) If you must be somewhere at a specific time, it is mandatory to begin to prepare 45 minutes before departure. This time allows children sufficient time to complete the cycle: cry about having to go get dressed to go outside, insist on getting themselves ready, cry when boots don't go on, scream "no help" repeatedly after you have offered to help and then cry again because "need help!". Repeat twice.
10) No matter how much they cried that they didn't want to go outside, they will cry more when it's time to come inside.
11) Always always always bring food. It can be the difference between a pleasant trip anywhere and a hellish nightmare.
12) Do not be afraid to bribe your child. A threat may be similarly effective. Don't be afraid to use these tools.
13) If your kid thinks that frozen peas are a treat, go with it. Enjoy it while it lasts because he'll smarten up eventually.
14) Kids are a lot of fun and a lot of work. Be prepared to laugh a lot, cry a lot, be tired a lot and be very busy.
15) Buy wine. Lots of wine. To be consumed after children have gone to bed while laughing about the day. Because if you can't laugh about it you are seriously screwed.
2) Kids will repeat the things you least want them to. But they will do it with perfect timing. And it will be really hard not to laugh. But you must not.
3) Things are rarely as serious as they seem. In the beginning everything seems like a BIG DEAL but eventually you learn that some things just aren't.
4) Kids will throw tantrums when you are out. And you must resist the urge to wring their necks. You must ignore them and go about your business while enduring stares from others.
5) Other parents are most tolerant of screaming children and are most likely to reassure you that "we've all been there". Non parents are least tolerant and tend to adopt a frightened or disgusted look while observing the freak show that is your mid-tantrum child.
6) Children of all ages immediately seem to sense that Toys R Us is a magical land just for them. It must be avoided at all costs. If this is impossible, you must be prepared to leave with extra items.
7) Childrens toys consist of small pieces of plastic that are immediately lost. Oliver does not have an entire set of blocks or Legos or tools. Where do they go? It's a small house, I just don't understand.
8) The whining of a child is more grating than nails on a chalkboard. Especially in a confined space such as a car where it cannot be escaped.
9) If you must be somewhere at a specific time, it is mandatory to begin to prepare 45 minutes before departure. This time allows children sufficient time to complete the cycle: cry about having to go get dressed to go outside, insist on getting themselves ready, cry when boots don't go on, scream "no help" repeatedly after you have offered to help and then cry again because "need help!". Repeat twice.
10) No matter how much they cried that they didn't want to go outside, they will cry more when it's time to come inside.
11) Always always always bring food. It can be the difference between a pleasant trip anywhere and a hellish nightmare.
12) Do not be afraid to bribe your child. A threat may be similarly effective. Don't be afraid to use these tools.
13) If your kid thinks that frozen peas are a treat, go with it. Enjoy it while it lasts because he'll smarten up eventually.
14) Kids are a lot of fun and a lot of work. Be prepared to laugh a lot, cry a lot, be tired a lot and be very busy.
15) Buy wine. Lots of wine. To be consumed after children have gone to bed while laughing about the day. Because if you can't laugh about it you are seriously screwed.
Some of my favourite things
1) Sleeping in. (it's been too long)
2) A warm breeze blowing through an open window in the spring.
3) The smell of sunshine on clothes.
4) Swimming in the ocean.
5) Listening to Brad talk to the kids (preferrably while I am still in bed). Sometimes he sings and it just kills me.
6) Going to bed early and reading for a really good book.
7) Getting a kiss or hug from my kids.
8) Going for a walk with the dogs. In a park where they run around off leash and act like puppies again.
9) BBQ in the summer, eaten outdoors while drinking a nice cold beer.
10) Laughing with a good friend.
There are lots more but I'll save them for later. Anyone else want to share their favourite things?
2) A warm breeze blowing through an open window in the spring.
3) The smell of sunshine on clothes.
4) Swimming in the ocean.
5) Listening to Brad talk to the kids (preferrably while I am still in bed). Sometimes he sings and it just kills me.
6) Going to bed early and reading for a really good book.
7) Getting a kiss or hug from my kids.
8) Going for a walk with the dogs. In a park where they run around off leash and act like puppies again.
9) BBQ in the summer, eaten outdoors while drinking a nice cold beer.
10) Laughing with a good friend.
There are lots more but I'll save them for later. Anyone else want to share their favourite things?
Monday, March 10, 2008
Me, myself and I
I have done a lot of thinking these past few days. Nothing too deep and profound, but important nonetheless (at least to me). I've come to a couple of resolutions.
1) I will take more time for myself.
Friday afternoon I had to myself and it was grand. I did nothing and it did me a world of good. Brad ended up going out after work so I was on my own for dinner/bath/bed with the boys. Usually I would be kind of put out to be on my own again (he worked late a couple of nights earlier) but I was fine. I felt rested and calm and ended up having a great night on my own with the kids. I need to do that more. I need to stop feeling guilty for leaving the kids in daycare an extra hour or two so that I can have some "me time". They both love going there (Tristan was all smiles apparently!) and it's good for them. And me.
2) I will stop running around making sure the house is presentable.
This is a hard one. I am not a neat freak but I do like the house to be in order. And I am realizing that with 2 kids under the age of 2, this is almost impossible. There will always be toys lying around, cheerios on the floor (where the dogs can't reach them) and general clutter. I need to be ok with that. I need to learn that dishes can be left in the sink, laundry can pile up for a few days (any longer and it is regrettable later :) and there can be some pet hair on the floor. I want to be the mom that enjoys her kids rather than the mom that runs around getting her stuff done and dragging the kids along. I used to be that mom. When did it stop?
3) I need to get my finances in order.
I am not in a great deal of debt but I would like to have a savings account with more that $200 in it. I would like to have some money set aside for the kids education, a vacation, an emergency. Now that I will be making more money, I need to start getting this together.
4) I will visit my family this year.
My family lives overseas. I took Oliver when he was about 6 months old but have not been since. My grandma is getting older, she is having some health issues, and I feel like we should go soon. I have spoken with Brad and he is in agreement. We just need to decide when. And buy the tickets.
5) I need to take care of myself.
Why do a lot of moms stop doing this? It ties in with #1, but it includes eating well and exercising regularly. I do both already, but lately have been slacking off. The gym has child minding and Tristan has gone before and been really good. There is no excuse really. Other than I am lazy :)
6) I need to learn to enjoy the moment.
When I am playing cars with Oliver, I need to think about playing with him and not what we are having for dinner. When Tristan is being cute and babbling away at me, I need to enjoy it and not wonder if I have time to vacuum. I need to enjoy the moments I have with these kids. I want them to know that they are the most important thing in my life and that I love being with them.
1) I will take more time for myself.
Friday afternoon I had to myself and it was grand. I did nothing and it did me a world of good. Brad ended up going out after work so I was on my own for dinner/bath/bed with the boys. Usually I would be kind of put out to be on my own again (he worked late a couple of nights earlier) but I was fine. I felt rested and calm and ended up having a great night on my own with the kids. I need to do that more. I need to stop feeling guilty for leaving the kids in daycare an extra hour or two so that I can have some "me time". They both love going there (Tristan was all smiles apparently!) and it's good for them. And me.
2) I will stop running around making sure the house is presentable.
This is a hard one. I am not a neat freak but I do like the house to be in order. And I am realizing that with 2 kids under the age of 2, this is almost impossible. There will always be toys lying around, cheerios on the floor (where the dogs can't reach them) and general clutter. I need to be ok with that. I need to learn that dishes can be left in the sink, laundry can pile up for a few days (any longer and it is regrettable later :) and there can be some pet hair on the floor. I want to be the mom that enjoys her kids rather than the mom that runs around getting her stuff done and dragging the kids along. I used to be that mom. When did it stop?
3) I need to get my finances in order.
I am not in a great deal of debt but I would like to have a savings account with more that $200 in it. I would like to have some money set aside for the kids education, a vacation, an emergency. Now that I will be making more money, I need to start getting this together.
4) I will visit my family this year.
My family lives overseas. I took Oliver when he was about 6 months old but have not been since. My grandma is getting older, she is having some health issues, and I feel like we should go soon. I have spoken with Brad and he is in agreement. We just need to decide when. And buy the tickets.
5) I need to take care of myself.
Why do a lot of moms stop doing this? It ties in with #1, but it includes eating well and exercising regularly. I do both already, but lately have been slacking off. The gym has child minding and Tristan has gone before and been really good. There is no excuse really. Other than I am lazy :)
6) I need to learn to enjoy the moment.
When I am playing cars with Oliver, I need to think about playing with him and not what we are having for dinner. When Tristan is being cute and babbling away at me, I need to enjoy it and not wonder if I have time to vacuum. I need to enjoy the moments I have with these kids. I want them to know that they are the most important thing in my life and that I love being with them.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Making Time
This afternoon I thought I'd try something different. I was home by 1:30, lunch in hand. Both boys were at daycare for the full day. It was the first time in a long time that I had the house to myself.
Usually I would be rushing around, cleaning this, vacuuming that, throwing in a load of laundry. But this afternoon I thought differently. I crawled into bed with my book and have been there for the past hour.
The vacuuming can wait. The dishes can sit there a while longer. I can fold laundry tonight.
The house is silent. Outside, the snow begins to fall.
This afternoon is for me. I decompress. I re-energize. I relax.
I make time for myself.
Usually I would be rushing around, cleaning this, vacuuming that, throwing in a load of laundry. But this afternoon I thought differently. I crawled into bed with my book and have been there for the past hour.
The vacuuming can wait. The dishes can sit there a while longer. I can fold laundry tonight.
The house is silent. Outside, the snow begins to fall.
This afternoon is for me. I decompress. I re-energize. I relax.
I make time for myself.
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